Guidance for Christmas songs

Please read the below and ensure you adopt the recommended practices/guidelines

Guidance on 'Festive' Songs
Health and Safety and Equal Opportunities
December 2009

The Rocking Song
Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not stir;
We will lend a coat of fur,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you:

Fur is no longer appropriate wear for small infants, both due to risk of allergy to animal fur, and for ethical reasons. Therefore faux fur, a nice cellular blanket or perhaps microfleece material should be considered a suitable alternative.
Please note, only persons who have been subject to a Criminal Records Bureau check and have enhanced clearance will be permitted to rock baby Jesus. Persons must carry their CRB disclosure with them at all times and be prepared to provide three forms of identification before rocking commences.

Jingle Bells
Dashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh
O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way

A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered safe for members of the public to travel on. The risk assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of larger proportions. Please note, permission must be gained from landowners before entering their fields.
To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.

While Shepherds Watched
While shepherds watched
Their flocks by night
All seated on the ground
The angel of the Lord came down
And glory shone around

The Union of Shepherds has complained that it breaches health and safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks without appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available. Shepherds have also requested that due to the inclement weather conditions at this time of year that they should watch their flocks via CCTV cameras from centrally heated shepherd observation huts. Please note, the angel of the lord is reminded that before
shining his / her glory all around she / he must ascertain that all shepherds have been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and Glory.

Little Donkey
Little donkey, little donkey on the dusty road
Got to keep on plodding onwards with your precious load

Animal welfare organisations have issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a load that a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry. Also included in the guidelines is guidance regarding how often to feed the donkey and how many rest breaks are required over a four hour plodding period.
Please note that due to the increased risk of pollution from the dusty road, Mary and Joseph are required to wear face masks to prevent inhalation of any airborne particles. The donkey has expressed his discomfort at being labelled 'little' and would prefer just to be simply referred to as Mr. Donkey. To comment upon his height or lack thereof may be considered an infringement of his equine rights.

We Three Kings
We three kings of Orient are
Bearing gifts we traverse afar
Field and fountain, moor and mountain
Following yonder star

Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable - as it may be redeemed at a later date through such organisations as 'cash for gold' etc., gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to the potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions. A suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy cause in the recipient’s name or perhaps give a gift voucher.
We would not advise that the traversing kings rely on navigation by stars in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of RAC routefinder or satellite navigation, which will provide the quickest route and advice regarding fuel consumption.

Rudolph the red nosed reindeer
Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose?
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glows

You are advised that under the Equal Opportunities for All policy, it is inappropriate for persons to make comment with regard to the ruddiness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer.
Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from the Reindeer Games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence. A full investigation will be implemented and sanctions - including suspension on full pay - will be considered whilst this investigation takes place.

This was posted by one of the lovely Guiders on the Guiders message board I loved it so I thought I would share it with you all :)

Feeling all Christmassy

I am not sure why, but today I am really feeling Christmassy. There is no particular reason for it but it is nice. I have had carols on the iPod and it has been snowing today, just the odd flurry but it is nice to watch.

I love this time of year, it is K's carol service tonight at school, it will be her last one in Primary School so it will be quite emotional for me. She will be singing in the choir and playing her tenor as well. K has so loved her time at school it is a week of lasts. Her last Carol Service, her last Christmas Party, her last Christmas Assembly. This last 6 years has gone so fast, it is unbelievable!

Next week is Christmas week, one of my favourite weeks of the whole year, people just seem happier, there is less traffic on the road and it is a short week. I am finishing on 23rd so I have all Christmas Eve to get everything sorted.

I made my mincemeat on Monday night so that will be ready for the Mince Pies. I have never made it before and it was great fun! I went a bit overboard on the apples but apart from that it tastes really good. I did a test dozen Mince Pies on Tuesday and the family scoffed them down before they were cool so it must have been good. I shall make a batch on Sunday to take to the church for the evening service, we always have Mince Pies and Mulled Wine afterwards.



In case I don't get to post again. I wish you and yours a very Happy Christmas and may 2010 bring you all you ask for.

God Bless

Nicky

Jaw drop moment

I do so like a jaw drop moment. Let me explain, I am the most ungirly girl you will ever meet. I am a larger lady, I have shoulder length dark blonde hair (always tied back) I never ever wear a skirt, never wear heels and never ever wear make up.

Last night was our work 'Christmas do' It was a very posh affair being at Waddesdon Manor, I decided to shock them all. I left work at 4.30 and went straight to the hair dressers, I have had 4 inches cut off my hair so it is all layered and 'fashionably messy'. I wore a skirt, a sparkly top and knee high heeled boots, I even went the whole hog and had make up on too.

I walked in to the Manor last night and created my own jaw dropping moment and I felt fantastic!

Why?

I have some questions that need answering:

Why when I have a cold, can it not just be over and done with? I have had my flu jab and the swine flu jab and still I am suffering.

Why does everything have to happen at once? In the last month I have had 4 meetings, two residential weekends and a training day, I am beginning to forget what my Al looks like.

Why do Christmas cards not write themselves?

Why have they not made the top I want to wear to the Christmas do?

Why can it not snow really hard so roads and schools are shut so K and I can curl up under a duvet and watch tv?

Why no matter what I do, does my ‘to do list’ not get any shorter


On a more general note….

Why can people who drive white or silver cars not put their lights on in the fog?

Why do supermarket shelves have to be so high? I am 5’2” not a midget and I can’t reach.

Why is Tesco heaving everyday? There are still 3 weeks to go for heavens sake!

I have many more questions that I ponder, the real question is this….. Why have I listed them here when I could have made blog posts out of each one of them!

Create a Snowflake

I do love daft things near Christmas, this was bought to my attention by the nice folks at the Ship of Fools. Give it a go, its fun.